Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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