Rock
Scissors
Fuck
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
