I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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