My first STD was from a foam party
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
