He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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