I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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