You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
