If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
