haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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