Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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