He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
