yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
