yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
