no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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