also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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