The maid of honor just puked.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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