I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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