I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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