I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
