Your face is a jimmy john
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
is that a dick in a sweater?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
