2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
