he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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