based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
smell my finger.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
