: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He passed out mid-signature
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
