I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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