So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
