I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The power of my boobs compel you
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
