If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
