this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
