Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
