I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
