I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
