Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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