I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
