I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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