I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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