i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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