If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
