I wish life had little blips of pornography
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
