im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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