I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Randomize
