Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
