then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
