I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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