she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
