Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
