i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
