Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
