# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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