Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
