his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
