I think I am morally bankrupt
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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