Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
