Yo dont text me then not text me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
