I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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