Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
