I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
