dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
