Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
