Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
