She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
