so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize