Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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