If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
