just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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