The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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