using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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