I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
