The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
