I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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