I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
