I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
