No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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