The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
