Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
