Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
