How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
