why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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