i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
