dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
