if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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