i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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