he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
