it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
