do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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