Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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