yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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