I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
