He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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