What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
