i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
