ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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