your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
