I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
