the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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