just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
