so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
