I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize