just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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