Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
