Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
