Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
