Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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